If you have conflict at work, you should confront the issue and resolve it rather than avoid the matter or accommodate your colleagues at your own cost.
Key Number 1: See Conflict as an Opportunity
Look at the conflict as an opportunity to clarify issues. By addressing matters, you will gain the respect of colleagues, including superiors, win back your self-respect and deepen professional relations.
Key Number 2: Know Yourself
Focus and ask yourself: “What is really going on here for me, what made me so upset, and why?” Identify your needs (what is vital for you) and values (guiding principles). List the concrete action you want from your colleague(s).
Key Number 3: Understand Your Colleague(s)
Look at your annoying colleagues as human beings, and identify their needs and values. Consider what action they may need from you.
Key Number 4: Listen Actively
Clear your mind of all assumptions and listen with your ears, your eyes and your heart. Pay attention to the tone of voice used and to what is not being said. Look into the other person’s heart space – what is going on for that person?
Key Number 5: Speak Up For Yourself
Speak up for yourself in an assertive way. Calmly express your needs without de-valuing the needs of others by: describing the facts; explaining how the facts make you feel (impact); explaining why it makes you feel like this; and requesting specific action.
Key Number 6: Identify Common Ground
Shift the focus to what you have in common rather than to what sets you apart – you are employed by the same organisation, you may be in the same team and you may be working on the same project.
Key Number 7: Create a Win-Win Situation
Think how things can work out for all. Focus on reasons why things can be done and brainstorm all options without labeling potential solutions as foolish.
Key Number 8: Know When to Walk Away
When the situation seems to be heading out of control, say: “I think we are both too angry to talk right now. Let’s take some time to calm down before we say things we will regret.” It can be very powerful to walk away from a destructive situation, and you can seek the help of an accredited mediator to continue the dialogue.
(Based on my book 'Dealing with Conflict at Work,' which you can download from Amazon)
I love to connect with people so please feel free to leave a comment or shoot me a message. Have a great day! Thilan
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